Sunday, July 5, 2009

michael, may you now be at peace: a reflection (no. 9)
here i am again, teacher, coming to you for guidance in deciphering what is real and what is not; the truth versus the falsehood. i spoke with you out loud hours ago, where others could hear. but i want to, yet again, create an imprint that may well stick. i want, if only for a moment for this to just be you and me again.

i am refusing to read most articles written about you at this point... all the ones about your 'private life supposedly finally revealed, all the ones which exploit some sort of 'darker side' (when in fact that 'dark side' is one so many others share. it's what makes us human). this is the only way i am feeling better, by speaking with you directly, and writing this out. i am not speaking to you right now to know whether or not all of these things written about you are true; i personally do not care. what i am asking, requesting- BEGGING of you is to let me know that on tuesday your fans are gonna be okay. fans who most likely have travelled MILES to remember you, and to honor what you meant to them.

the reports coming out are perturbing to me. firstly, there is this 'ticket lottery' issue, yet again. didn't we just experience this situation, teacher? wasn't there the 'presale' situation which happened for your 'this is it' tour? not only this, but when i hear 'ticket lottery' i can only travel back to 25 years ago, when mass amounts of complaints forced you to cease the lottery system for you and your brothers' 'victory' tour. i suppose the difference is that people in 1984 paid $120, not to be sure whether or not they were gonna get tickets.

these are certainly diferent times, technologically. i admit to being one of the millions of folks attempting to retrieve a ticket for the tour you considered your "final curtain call". despite my reservations about this tour i was in the midst of writing my book, and i really did want to feel your physical presence, in order to get some closure. also, having grown up with your music my whole life, but never having seen you perform, my attitude was, 'why NOT?'

to have millions of people at the same time trying to get tickets- do you know what that is like? i'm sure you do. this time, for your memorial this coming tuesday (7 july) the tickets are free, but just like for your tour (which was to happen in seven days) the computers were overloaded, and there had to be another server created in order to meet the demands. teacher... they are holding your memorial live in a few days, at the staples center in los angeles; the same place you were at for rehearsals for your upcoming tour. the staples center holds 20,000 people (the same as the O2 in england, where 'this is it' was gonna be). the nokia theatre (or L.A. live), adjacent to the staples center, is going to be airing it on giant screens for those who could not get into the main venue. nokia holds 7,100 people. why is it then, that AEG (the promoters of 'this is it' as well as this memorial) are only giving away about 17,500 tickets to the public? 11,000 of those tickets are going towards the staples center. are they claiming that those 9,000 seats are otherwise going to be filled with celebrities and others of that caliber? i mean, did you even personally KNOW 9,000 people? 9,000 people that you felt close to? yes, you are the most famous human on earth, but you can't be serious. why couldn't more of those tickets be reserved for the fans?

and why couldn't the nokia be filled to capacity with the fans, if they didn't want the fans to be in the main venue? this begs the question of if there are really going to be a certain number of tickets that AREN'T FREE... someone told me that the tiickets not established in the lottery would be old for $25. i've tried looking this up, and i only saw it on one site. therefore i cannot verify it. if this is truly the case i am far from surprised. also, if this is the case the proceeds from ticket sales should NOT go into the hands of AEG but rather an organization you contributed to, to help children.

i am confused and upset, teacher... i read that the area is going to be closed off from people who were not able to obtain tickets... i am SEVERELY OPPOSED to this, as many of the fans who have come to honor you do not live in this country. they have travelled miles to grieve with others who feel the same. they should be allowed to remain.

also, there have been notes of the organizers/family claiming that plans, in terms of performers and such, have not been finalized. i have a suggestion, my dear teacher: THE FANS. the fans should be part of this decision making process, if the organizers are serious about wanting the fans to share this moment. they are already grieving that your body will not be at the memorial. i think they should be allowed to be a vital part of it, as opposed to simply being observers. when all is said and done, it's the fans who have loved you unconditionally. they sat there every day and prayed for you and defended you when you were at your emotional lowest. i may have taken issue with your fans in general (as the claims that you were 'perfect' and 'GOD' were far-reaching, as NO ONE on this earth is perfect). but right now, in this moment i stand with them in their grief. as i am grieving too.

and so again, i come to you in earnest. i ask... BEG of you to please protect the fans in their grief, come tuesday. please protect the ones who choose to remain in this emotionally vulnerable time, to not be beaten by the police... please protect them, and allow them to use their experiences as a force for pro-activity and positivity. please allow, in this time of mourning for healing to happen.

thank you, once again, for your guidance.

your humble student,
"the whole time i'd never seen
all you have spread before me
the whole time i'd never seen
that all i'd need was inside me"
-sinead o'connor


just a bunch of thoughts said...

Jamilah ...I love u, but please stop asking him to do this & that ... stop asking him to do stuff he CANNOT & WILL NEVER do. ask the ONLY ONE that CAN do all that ... ask GOD...
please .. stop getting too much into it ... u dont wanna regret that later ... please .. please ... dont lie to urself... u know better than that sweety...

the one woman apollo! said...

oh no, i am not asking him as GOD, i am asking him as a teacher, and as a guide... don't worry... i believe that spirits are very powerful, and the connection to the spirit is even more powerful. and at a time when people have honestly said he WAS GOD (when clearly he is not) i think it makes sense for him to protect and consider the people who so loved him.

i am also a great believer in conferring with the ancestors, and they are a part of us, and they protect us. our ancestors are great teachers. we cannot neglect to ask them for assistance. i believe in our ancestors as being part of the GOD spirit, i do not separate that. i believe in a higher power, but this higher power has no name or gender. we are all a part of it (and we evoke this through our actions), and the ancestors have BECOME it. so i ask michael these things as a part of his connections to the ancestors, and to GOD. i just ask him to guide, not to fix. we can be guided, but only we can change our destiny, on this earthly plane.

i love mike's piece on 'GOD':
"it's strange that God doesn't mind expressing Himself/Herself in all the religions of the world, while people still cling to the notion that their way is only the right way... For me the form God takes is not the most important thing. What's most important is the essence... (F)or me the sweetest contact with God has no form. I close my eyes, look within and enter a deep soft silence. The infinity of God's creation embraces me. We are one."

there may be an ultimate 'higher power' which gives us all of these things in which to connect with, butfor me, i also see God in lumbia. i see God in my niece, in my child friends... i see God in you, and in the flowers. because we are all a part of God. we should never separate ourselves from that, and take ourselves out of the picture. our personal relationship with God is a beautiful thing. but to me, our communications and connections with the ancestors are also calling on God for guidance.

thank you so much for your concern, my dear... i love you too...