Thursday, July 16, 2009

michael, may you now be at peace: a reflection (no. 20)

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when i say i think you are looking after us, i'm not being facetious... i think everyone has the potential of having an 'angel' in their lives; some sort of spirit they connect with in some way. that spirit is representative of the full scheme of nature- GOD, some people would call it. but like you've mentioned at some point in your physical existence, GOD/nature is something i don't separate from myself, or others. we are all a part of nature, and we either choose to acknowledge this or not. if we don't acknowledge this we are most likely to create destruction to others. some people claim to do this 'in the name of GOD.' what is most important is not the name we give to this force, but our actions. there are some people who do not believe in the concept of GOD, yet they create and affect more positive action and change than some who claim to worship or fear this force.

in the end, the actions matter. the name is not as important as the acknowledgement of the interconnectedness of things.

and with that i think you protected us today...

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i came to work to find out that a huge shelf had fallen earlier in the day, with items totalling a weight of a few hundred pounds falling along with it. one of the people who helped to put the shelf together saw the whole thing fall in front of her eyes. inevitably, she cried. the wonderment of it all is that NOT A SINGLE PERSON got hurt, thank goodness. and you know what else? after this whole event happened, a CHILD walked through the door. THAT'S how i know you were looking out for us.

but, even though i truly believe you were looking out for us i wondered how many others have 'angels' in their lives... my heart went out to a woman who came by my work today, with one eye totally marked up, with the white of her eye partially filled with blood. the other eye had a significantly smaller marking. she had on a pretty yello summer dress. i looked up as she walked past me and i immediately asked if her eye was okay. she snapped at me, "it's two weeks old, but yes it's okay." my heart kind of sank. you never know what to do in a situation like that. i remember one time i asked a girl if her eye was okay, and she said she got into a bike accident. she gladly thanked me for my concern. but this woman- she wasn't even that old, she looked in her mid to late 20s- was defensive. i became concerned for her and wondered if she was in an abusive relationship, but i didn't want her to snap at me any more if i asked any more questions.

i recognize the defensive behavior when it comes to someone who is abused, either by the self or by someone else. and when someone doesn't want to talk about it (or is frustrated by every other person asking) it's not too difficult to tell. i felt all i could do was send her some positive energy in her life. moments later she came back to ask a question about finding something; as i was in the process of answering her question she found the answer. she seemed to be in a better mood when she came back.

teacher, if possible, could you watch over her as well?

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and with that i still wonder if you've had any opportunities to look after yourself yet... there's still theories about you, that you've somehow faked all of this, to the events leading to a homicide. i don't want to read any of this news, but it keeps appearing.

i keep thinking, 'why would anyone want to murder you?' first of all, you're the most famous person on earth. secondly your fans, for better or worse, would do anything for you; if they found the person who supposedly murdered you i would not doubt they would go after that person, even if you begged them not to. thirdly, i realize you've had some personal battles with people (as so many of us do) but i sincerely doubt there would be a vendetta against you by an individual.

the question remains, if it is possible that if it was indeed a homicide, would it be done due to someone (or a group of people) focusing on your major assets? if there is indeed proff that this was a homicide it would be ironic that this happened essentially two weeks before your concerts were to happen (by the way, this would be going from the second into the third day of performances.

i cannot say what the situation is if i have no facts. what i do know is that you were a person with great struggles, yet you were a survivor. i truly believe that in spite of all your struggles- with yourself and with others- you were a seeker of the truth of love.

somewhere along the line, i'm not sure if you felt you had one or even if you saw them; but you had an 'angel' in your life too. and now i feel you passing that on.

i know this by receiving a strong hug from someone today, without explanation. i know this by turning around and finding the rose i placed in water a couple of hours ago; a rose who's petals looked as if they were getting ready to fall off, raise with dignity, petals still in place.

thank you,
your humble student,
jamilah

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